the process

I've been told I think too much....it's probably true. Actually I know it's true. I go to bed thinking and wake up thinking. I even begin thinking before I open my eyes in the morning. It happens all the time...in the shower, on my walk to work, at work, on my walk home, during class, while I am cooking, and especially when I drive. Thinking is most likely the reason why I have put off starting my blog...I have been thinking about it too much. I have thought about how to start it...word for word...changed my mind....and then procrastinated. This process could have happened multiple times and probably did. Thinking too much is a blessing and a curse, but during all this thinking I have decided something. I decided that all these thoughts I have are only mine. Thoughts are something that we have all to ourselves. They are safe from everyone else and can be whatever we choose. This is how it is and how it was meant to be. As I have already established I have trillions of thoughts than come in and out of my mind, but that is all that they have done. Occasionally I shed thoughts on others...lucky Helen...or simply talk out loud to myself...this happens a lot, ask anyone at work. However, I have decided that thoughts are only thoughts until they are recorded. If thoughts are never recorded they disappear. When thoughts are written down they become something more.

So here I am deciding to record. I have been thinking and all thoughts have their specialized mediums. Somethings are just better said and somethings are just better done. For the purposes of this blog most of my thoughts will have to be written; occasionally a picture or video might appear, but overall just bundles of words. One of my favorite things is being able to say exactly what I want to say and saying exactly how I want to say it. This is rare, rare like a half-Japanese girl from Wyoming. But when it does happen its perfect; just like when you find that outfit that meshes so perfectly together that it makes you feel like a million bucks. Words are power. When you have enough words to say exactly what you want and how you want, you have something that few people have. When words are recorded they become something more. They are alive...they have breath...they have meaning..they have been created.

So here I am creating. Before I put off my blog because I was thinking, and during that time I worked on my profile like a mad woman. I have noticed this amazing feeling I get when I am working; it something inside of me that is satisfied with creating, with refining and with polishing. I love it. This combination of words and visuals mixes together to become something I and only I can create.

So here is the process: think, record, create. Hopefully this blog will by me. It will be all the raw and crazy thoughts that I have, all my little obsessions with lists, my annoying habit of living in the future and everything that makes me, well me. So to all my readers a forewarning: I like to think I am very organized, but most of the time I am very random. The crazy thing is that it all makes sense in my head. So hold on for the ride...it's going to be long, confusing and maybe a little entertaining....and try to figure out the method to my madness.

t.h.i.n.k.i.n.g.