jessica

jessica by bokada on Polyvore.com

mere

mere by bokada on Polyvore.com

cristi

cristi by bokada on Polyvore.com

katelyn

katelyn by bokada featuring JUICY COUTURE accessories

b.clonts

OK...so I have officially enter the world of blogs. I honestly had no idea what I was getting myself into. So I was looking at blog after blog...and stumbled across a post promoting this website. I was dying to be creative so I made a little something for one my girlies at work. Enjoy!!!

cousin love

check this out!!!

http://francoandleks.blogspot.com/

my lovely and creative cousin!!!

anti-baby

I am the baby in the family...probably in more ways than one. So naturally I did not grow up around any little siblings or babies....that was me! I also was removed from any other extended family; we saw them maybe once or twice a year...so no little cousins.

OK...so I will admit it straight out: I don't like kids or babies. I have wondered why A LOT...probably because whenever I say this to somehow they give a look that says: Are you a crazy/psycho/mean/unsympathetic/hard/numb/have-no-feelings type of person? These are all valid questions...for those of you who know my iron first, but I think most of these don't describe me majority of the time...or at least a few moments in my life have been characterized by compassion, friendliness or heaven forbid kindness.

Nevertheless I still don't like babies. One time my manager at the KOA, Jean, chased me all around the store with her new baby; I had a panic attack...real fear. I also get anxiety over holding babies and just when they are around. I have only really ever held one baby: my cousin Duncan...it wasn't too bad...but after about a minute I gave him back to my aunt.

I think this anti-baby syndrome comes from being the baby and growing up with cousins who LOVED babies. Over the years I have found myself...dare I say it...liking kids more. They still stress me out and I can spend a day with them at the max, but sometimes I find them irresistibly cute. Like my adviser, Cristi's, baby....so cute...I didn't hold him, but I found him cute. And whenever kids come into the office I can't help but think how cute they are...well most of them.

So here is to the new me who is learning to tolerate kids...and maybe babies. btw I am headed to a baby shower right now!

plain jane

Alright so I went on my date and.............I didn't wear any make-up!! wohoo. I felt fine and didn't even realize it. I will admit to curling my eyelashes...I had to give something...oh and I tried to pick out a really cute outfit and do my hair cute. I honestly don't think he even cared and that was great.

My next question is...is doing my hair and picking out a cute outfit the same as making myself up with make-up. I think so, but again I think its OK. MOTIVES; for sure.

I am doing great and am going to stick to my 30-day-make-up fast. I have decided that I will wear make-up after I am done with it, but I won't die if I go a day without. After this I will probably go more days without make-up that with it. I have also decided that I am fine with my natural face. It is plain and sometimes not that cute...but is what I actually look like right...and I am fine with that.

So here is to being a plain jane...and being OK with it.

stick to it??

Alright so here is the scoop so far. I haven't been wearing make-up for seven days (excluding Sunday) wohoo!!! It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be. I had my first test though. Last night something crazy happened...that never happens: I was asked on a date for Friday night. This was a super surprise, but made me contemplate about what I was going to do make-up-wise. I thought about it and decided that I had made a deal with myself and would not wear make up at all. However, me being me...I still thought about it. Here is what I decided: I really don't care if I wear make-up because I am fine with anyone seeing me without make-up, but I do care...in the sense that the boy I am going out might think that I don't care about going out with him. It's is so true that I wear make up to look nice...so if I don't wear any does that mean that I don't care? That is an exaggeration...but I don't want the boy to think that I don't want to look nice for the date.

This made me think more about the whole not-wearing-make-up deal. I think that I decided wearing make-up is just fine as long as your reasons for wearing it are right...I think this is how it is for everything: motives. I should wear make-up to look nice, not to cover myself or because I need to. I don't have to wear make up everyday...just when I want to look nice...and yes the next question would be: Don't I want to look nice everyday??

-still thinking & deciding

mac.bobbi brown.clinique.sephora

make-up: (māk'ŭp') n

1. The way in which something is composed or arranged; composition or construction.
2. Printing The arrangement or composition, as of type or illustrations, on a page or in a book.
3. The qualities or temperament that constitute a personality; disposition: Lying is not in her makeup.
4. Cosmetics applied especially to the face.
5. Materials, such as cosmetics and costumes, that an actor or actress uses in portraying a role.
6. A special examination for a student who has been absent from or has failed a previous examination.

make up: (māk'ŭp') v

1. to put together; construct; compile.
2. to concoct; invent.
3. to complete.
4. to put in order; arrange: The maid will make up the room.
5. to conclude; decide.
6. to become reconciled, as after a quarrel.
7. to dress in appropriate costume and apply cosmetics for a part on the stage.

Obviously this word is widely used as a noun, verb, or whatever. The definition me and most girls are used to is the application of cosmetics. However when you actually think about it and apply the other definitions the word make-up takes on a whole new meaning.

This is hyperbole, but I have decided that when I was wearing make up I was wearing a mask. I hid behind my eyeliner and foundation. I was adding, enhancing, altering or whatever you want to call it...the face that I was given. I was making myself up.

So, I decided to give up make up...call me crazy, but I have been doing it for four and a half days. It has been great. Mostly because I take less time getting ready. I do take a little more time on my hair, but and when I look in the mirror I see me and nothing else. Each day I look in the mirror at my plain face, and I will admit being a little self-conscious. As soon as I step out the door and am busy at work or school I completely forget the fact that I am wearing absolutely no make up. Only when I see my reflection do I ever remember and start caring again. Maybe this is because in some weird way we perceive ourselves from another person's perspective...like I think of myself in terms of how my friends or family perceive me. This could be why I feel the need to make myself up. I think about others seeing me and the person they see wears make up, so I do. Make up has become such a routine part of my day...when I picture myself in my head...I am wearing make up. I don't know how I feel about this...whether it is good or bad or nothing at all, but here I am not wearing any make up.

I will not give up make up forever because let me be honest...sometimes it is just fun getting all made up. I started my 30-day-make-up fast (except for Sunday's...you have to look nice!) last Wednesday. This means no make up daily...except for moisturizer...and yes that means for dates and ward activities and work and school whew. I am hoping to learn to be happy with the natural me and maybe finding something else (who knows what) about myself.

i hate this part right here...

Those who know me know that when I read something I always directly apply it to my life...whether it can be applied or not...somehow I find a way. Those who know me right now, know that the book I have been directly applying to my life for the last term has been my organizational behavior book...yes believe it. For example, I had just finished reading a chapter about leadership and went off to my tennis class. This is what happened: I ended up taking control of the class, assigning partners and organizing a doubles tournament. Maybe this is just my personality, but I blame it on my organizational behavior book.

In this last section, Chapter 16 focused on organizational survival and adaptation, which I am applying to my life right now: I need to survive and adapt. It first talks about resistance to change...yes I have been doing that...and different types of change. I have decided to define my life in terms of punctuated equilibrium. This is a type of change defined by phases of climactic transformational change interposed with phases less dramatic incremental adjustments. Right now I am in the climatic transformational change period.

Yesterday I dropped off my roomie, Helen, at the airport (when I started writing this). I am officially alone in Provo. Don't get me wrong...I know people, I have work, I have my ward, but it's just not the same. I been thinking and I have friends and acquaintances, but then there are those other friends. There really should be another name for them...I know you are thinking besties or bff's, but I am thinking some other entirely new word that just describes them perfectly. Because, I am talking about those friends that you trust completely...that you really have nothing else in common except for being friends. There are no excuses like oh we play tennis together or we have the same class. The explanation for you being friends is that you are friends. I have been very blessed to have friends like this. Yes they may have started out as oh we roomed together freshman year or we randomly going to a kids camp at city park, but that has become how we met, not the reason why we are friends. Losing those friends or separating from them is just plain hard.

This the cause of my transformational change; so, here I go feet first into transformational change...I really have no other choice. I guess we will just see where this change takes me. It is bound to take me somewhere and change me somehow.

the process

I've been told I think too much....it's probably true. Actually I know it's true. I go to bed thinking and wake up thinking. I even begin thinking before I open my eyes in the morning. It happens all the time...in the shower, on my walk to work, at work, on my walk home, during class, while I am cooking, and especially when I drive. Thinking is most likely the reason why I have put off starting my blog...I have been thinking about it too much. I have thought about how to start it...word for word...changed my mind....and then procrastinated. This process could have happened multiple times and probably did. Thinking too much is a blessing and a curse, but during all this thinking I have decided something. I decided that all these thoughts I have are only mine. Thoughts are something that we have all to ourselves. They are safe from everyone else and can be whatever we choose. This is how it is and how it was meant to be. As I have already established I have trillions of thoughts than come in and out of my mind, but that is all that they have done. Occasionally I shed thoughts on others...lucky Helen...or simply talk out loud to myself...this happens a lot, ask anyone at work. However, I have decided that thoughts are only thoughts until they are recorded. If thoughts are never recorded they disappear. When thoughts are written down they become something more.

So here I am deciding to record. I have been thinking and all thoughts have their specialized mediums. Somethings are just better said and somethings are just better done. For the purposes of this blog most of my thoughts will have to be written; occasionally a picture or video might appear, but overall just bundles of words. One of my favorite things is being able to say exactly what I want to say and saying exactly how I want to say it. This is rare, rare like a half-Japanese girl from Wyoming. But when it does happen its perfect; just like when you find that outfit that meshes so perfectly together that it makes you feel like a million bucks. Words are power. When you have enough words to say exactly what you want and how you want, you have something that few people have. When words are recorded they become something more. They are alive...they have breath...they have meaning..they have been created.

So here I am creating. Before I put off my blog because I was thinking, and during that time I worked on my profile like a mad woman. I have noticed this amazing feeling I get when I am working; it something inside of me that is satisfied with creating, with refining and with polishing. I love it. This combination of words and visuals mixes together to become something I and only I can create.

So here is the process: think, record, create. Hopefully this blog will by me. It will be all the raw and crazy thoughts that I have, all my little obsessions with lists, my annoying habit of living in the future and everything that makes me, well me. So to all my readers a forewarning: I like to think I am very organized, but most of the time I am very random. The crazy thing is that it all makes sense in my head. So hold on for the ride...it's going to be long, confusing and maybe a little entertaining....and try to figure out the method to my madness.

t.h.i.n.k.i.n.g.